Saturday, October 08, 2005

Is Anyone Alive Out There? Let's Find Out.

Some people tell me that I have some pretty far out opinions. Hell, most people tell me that I have some pretty far out opinions, except of course for the ones that are afraid to tell me anything because they know that I will most likely disagree with them and they just don't want to deal with it. I suppose I do have some unpopular views but am I really THAT bad?

I started this little blog thingy here with the hopes that I could solicit comments from around the world and therefore find out if I am really crazy or if I am correct in the assumption that many people actually agree with me, but are just afraid to say it. So, having enabled anonymous comments on my blog, and having not garnered one single lousy comment on any of my posts as of yet, I now set forth to piss somebody off bad enough to take 5 lousy minutes of their time and let me know how they feel. Am I a lunatic, or does somebody, somewhere, actually agree with me on any of these things?

I do not like the fact that in this "free" country of ours, our government increasingly attempts to dictate to us exactly how we should live according to some imaginary model that a majority of moron politicians are dim enough to subscribe to. So, without further ado, I hereby lay out a few of my more outrageous opinions for you to ponder. Feel free to comment on any or all of them and let me know if I am actually a wacko, or if I am really as average as I hope I am.
  1. I do not believe that laws simply designed to protect us from ourselves have any place in a free society. I do not believe in seat belt laws except, perhaps, for ones that apply only to children since some kids need to be protected from the actions or inactions of their moron parents. I do not believe in helmet laws. If I want to take a chance on shattering my empty head all over the pavement that should be my choice. Besides, those people that scoop up dead bodies off of the highway gotta make a living too, I hate to see anyone who wants to work unemployed. Hell, I hate to see anyone unemployed unless they're retired. Quit reading this and go get a job you lousy bums.
  2. I do not believe in state or nationwide smoking bans. I am not dim enough to think that smoking isn't harmful, I just happen to support a person's right to make their own choices and reap the results thereof. As far as the secondhand smoke argument, I have never been nor seen anyone else bound and forced to inhale second hand smoke. If a person walks into a restaurant and people are smoking, they at that point have the option to leave. If they choose to stay, fine. If they choose to go back outside and breath the garbage spewed forth by the plethora of other polluters in our world, then that is fine too. I simply feel that the smoking thing is entirely blown out of proportion, our air is filthy because of a number of factors, only one of which is cigarettes. Every time I see one of those overblown antismoking ads I liken it to someone swimming in a septic tank, and then bitching because somebody farted.
  3. I am saddened and actually ashamed that the worst military attack ever perpetrated against this country was carried out by a few guys with box cutters. One person, be it a citizen or a sworn officer, on board each of those planes with a gun, or even the balls to take the ragheaded bastards on hand to hand, would have stopped the entire thing before it started. All of those people would still be alive, and those towers would still stand. Most important, we would have sent a message to all of those who would attempt to come into this country and harm her citizens that America is not to be fucked with, instead we sent a message that Americans are so damn spoiled and gutless that they will sit back and allow their lives to be dictated by one lunatic with a box cutter even if they outnumber him a hundred to one. As Americans we should be saddened by Sept. 11th, we should be saddened that the former home of the brave has sunk to a level where our people are so damned scared to stand up for themselves that they will allow hundreds or even thousands of others to be killed because they don't have the balls to confront some asshole with a box cutter. Was a time in this country that benevolence and selfless sacrifice was rewarded, now it's been replaced by greed and apathy. I am no fan of a raging vigilante society, but a gun in the hand beats a cop on the phone, every time. Anyone who calls themselves free should never have to stop to consider the consequences before defending their own life or the lives of others, and if they die in the attempt they should die with the knowledge that they die as a hero, not as someone who was on the fringe because they had the nutsack to stand up and be counted. So come on you wimpy little bastards, grow some huevos and let's go make this country great again. That is if you're done getting your ass kicked by your wife.
  4. I believe in the Constitution of the United States of America. As it was written, not as it has been twisted by armies of overpaid lawyers. I believe in the entire constitution, not just the parts that serve me personally. I believe in your right to stand outside a Forest Service office and protest my buddies and I being allowed to ride our atv's on public land, I believe in it just as strongly as I believe in my right to free speech which allows me to post on the internet my opinion that you are an idiot. I believe in your right to start your own web log and call me an idiot. I believe in my right to own a gun, I believe in your right not to. I believe in an elected government, too bad the one we have currently is so corrupted by greed and party doctrine as to serve only it's members instead of the citizens it is supposed to serve. I believe in a fair trial for anyone accused of a crime, our legal system is far from perfect but it's pretty damn good when you consider the alternatives. If profiteering lawyers would stop using it as their own private showcase and get down to the business of upholding justice it would work even better. I believe hippies should have the right to be hippies. I believe rednecks should have the right to be rednecks. I believe we should have freedom of religion, and a separation of church and state. I believe that I should have the right to drive down the street in my pickup truck with a rifle in the gun rack, my seatbelt unbuckled, drinking a beer (so long as I haven't drank enough to be a danger to anyone else), smoking a cigarette, and hollering YEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAW out my open window because I'm on my way to go ride my atv on public land and piss off hippies.
  5. Oh yeah, I nearly forgot, I think that baby porcupines are quite possibly the cutest damn critters on this planet. Have a nice day.


5 said...

We are here! Actually, I dont know if any of the City Lighters had seen your blog here, I found it by chance while at technorati as its linked to me-who knew?
Funny stuff though and I spent way too much time looking at Big Trucks! (though Im a Freightliner Century man myself) Keep at it, write for yourself and pretend no one is reading...oh, and let Ed or the paper know and get a link there...

jd7904 said...

yes you are crazy, quit killing animals,while drinking beers. you're nder the influence, you don't know what you're doing. =) keep up the good work. good reading. The whole world seems to need a baby sitter.

KarbonKountyMoos said...

I followed Tony here... I'm alive, but not kicking too high. Crazy? Farout? Lunatic? Hmmm - compared to who or what?!
Regarding the baby porcupines - did you kill their mama?

Justin said...

Just for the record, I did not kill the porcupines' mama. I kill only single and barren porcupines, and only after I have secured the appropriate FBI background checks (easily obtained thanks to the patriot act) and determined that they are indeed terrorist porcupines. I never kill porcupines, or anything else, while intoxicated. However, I have been known to arrange for the mysterious dissapearance of stray cats, all without the benefit of mafia connections.

Anonymous said...

I like your thinking...good stuff. Thanks for the laugh today. -Jessica

KarbonKountyMoos said...

How do you know if the porcupines are intoxicated?

Justin said...

That's simple, moos. Using my top secret security clearance it's easy to access gov't database computers wherein is stored a plethora of information collected on all porcupines in the interest of national security. If a particular porcupine has managed to remain under the radar and therefore does not show up in the database I see to it that the necessary information is collected immediately. Failing that, I simply ask them to hop on one leg and say the alphabet backwards. ;)