Sunday, October 30, 2005


Considering the fact that today was completely devoid of any good old fashioned cuttin' and guttin' and killin' and grillin', we will fortunately be planning another hunt for next weekend. Didn't think I was gonna get it all over with so soon, did ya?

We did everything right, I think. We got up long before sunrise, loaded our crap in the truck, arrived at my friend Brian's house in Columbus about 10 minutes before legal shooting time, positioned ourselves in the area where he had scouted out a little 3 point muley the morning before with a good view in all directions, and. . . . . . nothing. We did see a rabbit, but it ran under a bush before I could shoot it, with my camera that is, too early in the year to eat rabbits, friggin fleas, we'll wait till it snows, then, say yer prayers wabbit.

We covered his dad's entire place and saw exactly nothing, oh well, the day is young right?

So we went here. Pretty ain't it? This is up on West Bridger Creek. Worth the drive just for the view, which is a good thing because it sure as hell isn't worth the drive for the hunting. Great place for a walk, a long walk, uphill, both ways, no deer, no elk, no bears, at least not that we saw, there were probably hundreds hiding in all that darn timber laughing like crazy at us, we saw their tracks, they're still there, all of them, still laughing too, bastards. Darn pretty though, now why didn't I bring my 4 wheeler? Still darn pretty, places like this are the reason I'm still alive, every time I go somewhere like this, it adds another year to my life, really. That's why I go to places like this, I need all the help I can get. This is what it looks like behind me.

This is why I love Montana. This is why I hunt. This is why I go 4 wheeling. This is why I find myself unable to entirely hate tree huggers. Did I mention that I love Montana?

Wanna know why there weren't no critters? They were all down below where there's food, and water, and a nice neighborhood of animal rights activists, and not even the get naked and chain themselves to a pole good looking blonde type animal rights activists either, which sucks, to buy up all of the property adjacent to the Forest Service land and set it aside so that all of the deer can grow and multiply and do cutesy little deer things together until all of the drought starved grass is all eaten up and they all starve to death and lay on the ground and rot. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside doesn't it?

Oh well, their property, their rules, but they can't stop me from shooting from the road, not with my camera anyway. . . . . .

These were all does anyway, can't shoot mule deer does here even if they weren't on private property, can't shoot mule deer does anywhere that we went today, which is really strange. I've been hunting around Columbus since High School and this is the first year I know of when mule deer does were off limits. Oh well, FWP makes the rules.

The bucks were all downstream about a half mile, 4 beautiful white tails on one side of the road, 2 muleys on the other, get them together with all these hussies running around and it should make for good hunting next year anyway. I was so busy fuming about all the orange fence posts that were quite frankly destroying my enjoyment of nature, that I forgot that I had my camera in my pocket, so I didn't get any pics of the boys. Don't call me a liar, I've got witnesses. I hope all those deer eat the animal righters out of house and home, serve em right.

See, I can find the deer, just not the legal ones. Friggin PETA, if we're not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat? PETA=People Eating Tasty Animals, I'm a member. huh, huh, huh, I said member.

So we went to Big Timber and ate a lousy chicken fried steak, cost 7 bucks, and it was the special, not very special at all, I used to get twice as much at Charlie Brown's on Fridays at lunch time for 3 bucks, do they still have the lunch specials on Fridays? Damn it's been a long time since I had a normal job. Damn it's been a long time since I've been to Charlie Brown's. Damn it's been a long time since I shot a deer, back to hunting.

We spent a little more time up at Bridger creek than we'd planned, so instead of trying to find a spot in the Big Timber area, we decided that Brian would make some calls this week and try to have something set up for next weekend so we could really get serious, loads of gorgeous and tasty white tails in them parts, I know, Brian shot one last year, he shared, that's why he's my 2nd best friend, my wife's my best friend, she can do things for me that Brian can't do, like cook deer steak, pervert.

So we heads back to Columbus, to Brian's dad's place. It's not a gigantic place, 160 acres, but it sure is nice. I'd commented earlier in the morning about how his dad's land wasn't exactly a paradise for horn hunters, but I sure had taken a lot of meat out of there over the years, and seen quite a few friends do the same. Not enough to deplete the population, just one or two a year, deer that is, there ain't no limit on rabbits, they reproduce fast, at least that's what I've heard, pervert.

So we're making our way up this wide draw when we see a flock of turkeys down in the bushes and making their way toward the fence. Usually, for some reason, when we see turkeys there's deer nearby. It's like the turkeys follow the deer, Brian thinks it's because turkeys like deer shit, that explains why wild turkeys taste so terrible, which explains why I don't eat wild turkeys.

Shittles ~ Taste the Asshole

So we look a little further up the hillside and sure enough, there's a muley doe, can't shoot muley does, and she's on the other side of the fence, PETA, are you starting to see a pattern here? No one has a turkey tag, is turkey season even open? I don't know, I don't eat 'em, so I don't shoot 'em, don't even know when the season is. Don't really care. Why did I like hunting again? I forgot. Oh well, they can't stop me from shooting muley does on a PETA preserve, or turkeys without a tag, not with my camera anyway.

So, just on the off chance that this little girl was scouting out the situation for her boyfriend, we quietly got the heck out of there and took the long way around up to a high hilltop where we could see this hillside and everything in between it and Brian's dad's dam. It's spring fed and has water in it pretty much year round so it's a popular hang out for deer about sundown. When we got up top she was still on the hillside, laying down nice and comfy between a couple of bushes, and she had a friend, another doe, and they were still on the wrong side of the fence, anybody got a camera with a big assed zoom lense that they want to trade for a Ruger Mark II .300 Win. Mag. ? So we wait.

That little speck in the middle is actually two muley does, about 500 yards away, on the wrong side of the fence, in an area where you can't shoot muley does, but you can barely see them because my camera doesn't have a big enough zoom. They didn't look much better through the binoculars, they were still does, and they were still on the wrong side of the fence.

So we're sitting there waiting for these deer to get up and start moving toward the dam, which we figure they'll do as it gets a little closer to dark. Brian quietly gets out of the truck to take a leak, I told you I'd never let you live this down dude, I'm just glad you don't have a computer so at least you don't have to read about it on the internet, he's getting back in the truck, loses his balance for a second, and somehow lands. . . . . . . right on the horn button.

Have you ever noticed how mule deer have really big ears? They work. . . really good. They can hear the horn on a Chevy pickup from 500 yards away. . . upwind. . . up about a 40 mph wind. . . and they didn't like what they heard. They got up and ran. . . away.

The whole time we were sitting there watching them I had this feeling that there was another deer behind one of those bushes, we couldn't see it, but I just had a feeling that there was another one. There was, but it was a doe too, we got a good look, as they all ran away over the hill, does anyone want to be my new 2nd best friend? We never did see the little 3 point. Anyone that would honk the horn and scare all of the deer away just might have been making up that story about the 3 point. I think Brian might have joined PETA, the animal rights one, hmmmm. There's an old Indian word for guys that honk the horn and scare all the deer away ~ vegetarian.

I'll still be giving him shit about it when we're taking our grandkids out hunting for their first deer, we'll all get plenty more laughs in the meantime too, so it was worth it. Oh well, at least now we get to go hunting again next weekend, but if we take Brian's truck, I'm unplugging the horn.

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