Wednesday, December 14, 2005

The Opposite of "The War On Christmas", Or Maybe Not, Depends On Who You Ask

I'm sure that fundamentalist Christians would have a problem with this one. I can hear the drivel now, well I could hear the drivel if I still had the capability to hear the voices of evangelical crap spouting hypocrites. Seems that my finely tuned selective hearing is malfunctioning. When I was a boy it functioned flawlessly, I seldom if ever heard my mother tell me to take out the trash or clean my room, but her voice boomed like a pair of 15 inch subwoofers if she said the word "yes" after I asked for permission to do something, loud and clear Ma. No matter how hard I try, however, I just can't seem to hear the words of these holier than thou morons. Oh well, I don't figure I'm missing much anyway except for a bunch of hate and intolerance, ironically the very things that Jesus Christ seemed to so adamantly despise, well, he seemed to despise hate and intolerance in the book I read, it was called the Bible. Maybe a few of them should read it.

I must've missed the part where Jesus said "thou shalt giveth thine entire paycheck to corporations far wealthier than thou to purchase gifts in my name, and if you do this thing that I ask of thee, you will be smitten with cheap Chinese crap and a lousy dead end job so that thou shalt be miserable, and live in poverty as thine reward. All the while I will give great riches and power to those that dwell in the house of Bush, so that they may tell great lies and start wars and smite thine enemies, because all of that stuff that I said about loving thy neighbor was rubbish. KILL, KILL, KILL, SPEND, SPEND, SPEND!" I didn't find that verse, it must be in one of the "secret parts", you know, the ones that only preachers can see. There must be "secret parts", because I haven't seen a lot of the stuff that preachers go on about. I guess that's what I get for not going to church, oh well, see ya in hell I guess. Just in case I don't make it in, say howdy to Jim Baker and that dipshit Dobson for me ok?

Anyway, with all of this talk about a supposed "War on Christmas" from a bunch of people that wouldn't know Christ if he walked up and slapped them with a cold fish, I really got a kick out of Wayne in Newfoundland recently, he has a post up about a peculiar Christmas tradition up in those parts. I know, I know, sounds like they stole Christmas and Halloween and got them mixed up, but it does look like a lot of fun anyway, and best of all it doesn't involve making Sprawl-Mart or your credit card debt any bigger than they already are. It has about . . . excuse me. . . aboot (it is Canada eh) as much to do with Christ as killing a perfectly good tree, hanging a bunch of crap on it, and tossing a bunch more crap underneath it, but it does promote one heck of a sense of community, as in actually knowing what your neighbor's. . . excuse me. . . neighbour's (we are talking about Canada here) names are and maybe even making their day. Heck of a lot more "Christish" than "SPEND, SPEND, SPEND, KILL, KILL, KILL" if you ask me.

If you're as ignorant of the holiday traditions of Newfoundland as I was a few days ago, go check it out. Maybe we can get together and do a little mummering when you're done. That is if you're not too tired from shopping.

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