Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Now What Did I Just Say?

Here it is folks, I don't think I was even completely done with that last post and this douchebag had to rev up his alligator mouth before even considering shifting his Mickey Mouse brain into gear. Here's the first comment I found on the list this morning.

honda boy said...

you say that people that drive hondas and put "NOS" and "TURBOS" on there car and go beat a Slutstang think there cool or fast. how about we do a little math a Slutstang has how many cyclinders and a civic has

8:15 AM

Here would be my response.

Hey douchebag,

How about instead of doing a little math, hows about we do a little reading, as in read the fucking post before you shoot off your mouth. I'm really sorry if I offended you by mentioning the word "Honda" in anything but a position of worship, but let's face it, although they are cool, they aren't fucking perfect and they most definitely aren't the fastest cars on the goddam planet. I don't care how many cylinders any engine has, it isn't a matter of the number of cylinders, it's a matter of displacement but since you obviously need to watch 2 Fast 2 Furious at least one more time to be anywhere near my mechanical prowess here's an example.

A few years ago I took a ride on a Yamaha FZR 600 crotch rocket. The thing was a friggin dog, how the hell anybody could think that thing was fast was beyond me. I guess if you just jumped off of a Vespa I could understand it, but I've ridden bikes that were fast, and that wasn't one of them.

Not too long after that I bought a KLR 600 Kawasaki dirt bike. That bike was fast. A firm handful of throttle in almost any gear would stand it right up if you weren't paying attention, and damn near dump you off the back if you were. Anybody that's ever ridden a 500 2 stroke motocross bike knows what I'm talking about, they have even more torque than my 600 thumper did.

Now why do you suppose that is? Same displacement, as in same size engine, but one had a shitload more power than the other. The reason is a little secret called reciprocating mass. See the FZR had a 4 cylinder engine, the Kawasaki was a single, so instead of having 4 little cylinders, it had one big one. What that means in layman's terms is that although the FZR could rev up a lot higher and probably make power over a wider RPM band, it took a lot more inertia to get all those pistons and rods and valves moving up and down together, so there goes all the torque right out the fucking window. There's also the charge factor, keep in mind that an engine runs by a series of finely timed explosions inside of a mechanism that's designed to harness the power of those explosions. Inside the engine of that Yamaha there were one of 4 little explosions propelling that bike forward at any given time, unlike the one big one happening every other revolution of the Kawasaki. Also take into account that in order to cram 600 cc's of air into one cylinder it needs to be about as big around as my arm, and move up and down on a stroke that's about as long as a whore's dream. Longer strokes mean more mechanical leverage on the crankshaft, and more mechanical leverage means more torque.

The point you ask? More cylinders at a given displacement translates into more horsepower, and we all know douchebags love horsepower. Fewer cylinders at a given displacement translates into more torque, and we all know that torque is actually what makes a car or bike or anything for that matter, fast, in a drag race at least. Don't tell the douchebags, it's a secret.

That FZR was obviously designed to run damn near wide open all the time, and that's fine if you're carving up a mountain road at a high rate of speed and you know enough to keep the revs in the power band. The Kawasaki on the other hand was designed to be able to shoot up hills and accelerate out of corners with the flick of a wrist, it wasn't intended to run over a hundred MPH all day, it was made to slow down when it had to, but be able to get back up to speed as quickly as possible because that's what happens if you want to make good time in the dirt.

If you happen to have a dad douchebag, you might ask him some time about back in the good old days when a lot of the cars with inline six cylinders used to run the balls off of similar cars with V8's. He'll probably just go on about how he used to whip 'em all with his Porshe powered Vespa motorscooter that he ran on jet fuel though so I'll just tell you what a whole shitload of real old timers told me. It happened, and it happened a lot, and the reason is because of what I just explained - Fewer cylinders at a given displacement is a potential for more torque, plain and simple.

The reason that a Mustang can whoop a Civic doesn't have jack squat to do with how many cylinders they have, it's far more a matter of how big the cylinders are. I can show you a 300 cubic inch engine with 12 cylinders, and I can show you an 855 cubic engine with 6, it doesn't mean shit except that the V12 can rev a lot higher, and the inline 6 has a shitload more torque.

If you're a Honda fan what you really should be concentrating on is the fact that the Honda can even give the Mustang a run for its money, because that's the amazing part. Honda has managed to extract a higher level of volumetric efficiency (you might have to watch the special features on 2 Fast 2 Furious to figure out what that means sonny) from their engines than anybody even though possible 5 or 10 years ago. Pushing a naturally aspirated engine over 100 hp/liter is no small feat, but it isn't all that uncommon these days thanks to Honda's engineers. The really amazing part is that not only can these engines make that kind of power, they get 35+ MPG doing it, and it's not uncommon for them to do it for 300,000 miles before they hatch. Next time read the whole thing instead of just seeing "Honda = anything but the most awesome car in the world" and shooting off your mouth. You just make yourself look like a douchebag.

Oh yeah, and trash the 2 Fast 2 Furious DVD, you really won't learn shit and what you do learn will probably be wrong. When you browse through copies of Sport Compact Car at Wal-Mart you might want to actually read an article or two as well, instead of just looking for pictures of hot Japanese chicks and drooling on the ugly assed 22 inch wheel ads. I recommend Dave Coleman as required reading, he's an engineer, as in he actually understands how shit works instead of just shooting off his mouth. If you can control your anger when he occasionally says something less than perfect about a Honda, (He's a Nissan guy), you just might learn something.


a-fire-fly said...

If you ever watch MAD T.V. there is this one guy with a Daewoo that always cracks me up. I thought of him when I read honda boys comment.
No honda will ever be as cool as a Mustang, no matter how fast it goes. Now gimmie a Mitsubishi GT300....the other half keeps telling me "Family car". I think I could get away from the family in that!

Justin said...

Ummmm, would that be a GT3000 that you're talking about? Forgot a zero.

A friend of mine's dad had one when we were in high school, a Mitsubishi 3000GT VR4. We used to joke about how it must have the world record for the longest name ever put on a car. LOL Can't figure why he'd call it a family car though, tiniest damn back seat you ever seen, have to have a mighty small family. I've seen pics of a few fixed up, not a lot of bolt on stuff around for 'em though, gotta spend uber bucks if you wanna make 'em really fast. Nifty little trick if you want to get one cheap though, a Dodge Stealth is the same car, but usually sells for a lot less cash.

Give me a Ford GT, I normally hate Fords, but that thing is sex on wheels.

Justin said...

Of course I wouldn't complain if I had the Nissan Skyline GTR in the picture on my last post, now THAT'S a cool import car.

Anonymous said...

Here is a link to a very funny story about a Honda guy. Ralpho

Justin said...

LOLOLOL! Ralpho, that was hilarious, thanks for the link!

Damn Hondtards.

RSM said...

You could have just left it at "Hey douchebag" ... I think that summed it up pretty nicely.

Justin said...

RSM, a car geek can never just leave it at "hey douchebag". ;)

Anonymous said...

You don't know what the fuck you're talking about hommie. I'll smoke your ass with my FZR 600R whatever you attempt to ride.


Justin said...

Um, yeah. First of all, I ain't nobody's homie. Second of all, as soon as you get over yourself, you might want to accept the fact that no 600cc anything is the fastest bike in the world. Not trying to be an asshole, just realistic.