Remember this post? The one where I just blindly tossed this out there hoping that perhaps, just maybe, possibly, there was a snowball's chance in hell that someone, like a friend or family member planning on getting me a gift some time in the next, oh, 50 years or so might possibly see it and think "oh yeah, he's into things like hunting, and ATVs, and motorcycles, and the outdoors, and OH YEAH, MODEL AIRPLANES!"
Instead of "Wow, look at this useless piece of worthless garbage, it totally looks like ass and isn't good for a damn thing, but I'll bet Justin would really like it because Lord knows his house isn't nearly cluttered enough as it is, he needs more worthless shit that he couldn't give a rat's ass about!" like they usually do.
I swear, if I get one more fucking thing shaped like Marvin the Martian I'm going absolutely, certifiably goddamn postal on whoever hands it to me with that "you should be eternally grateful" look on their face.
If you think I can't figure out how to convert an assault rifle to full automatic you're sadly fucking mistaken. I have access to 100 round AK47 magazines.
Yes, I did like Marvin the Martian cartoons when I was a kid. Yes, I still get a kick out of watching the sawed off little genocidal maniac's antics from time to time even to this day. No, I don't want or need a collection of 7985 Marvin the Martian figurines and other various Marvin the Martian themed collectibles.
News flash people:I LIVE IN A TRAILER HOUSE, AS IN NOT A LOT OF STORAGE SPACE. IT PISSES ME OFF WHEN I HAVE TO HAUL A PICKUP LOAD OF SHIT THAT I NEVER WANTED TO THE DUMP TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE ONE GODDAMN THING THAT I DID WANT ALL ALONG. WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN A LOT EASIER FOR EVERYONE IF YOU'D JUST GOTTEN ME SOMETHING I ACTUALLY WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE? THAT WAY YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO STAND THERE LOOKING ALL REJECTED WHEN YOU ASK ME WHAT I DID WITH THE RIDICULOUS VELVET MARVIN THE MARTIAN POSTER YOU BOUGHT ME AND I TELL YOU THAT I USED IT TO LINE THE BED OF MY TRUCK BEFORE I LOADED IT WITH THE REST OF THE WORTHLESS SHIT YOU GAVE ME THE LAST TIME I WENT TO THE COUNTY DUMP.
I know, I know, manners and all that. I've just never been too good at acting excited when somebody gives me something that only a complete idiot that just landed on this planet from Jupiter could possibly think that I wanted. These people are supposed to be my family, don't they know me? Why the hell do I even talk to these people? They obviously just ignore me anyway, otherwise when I was saying something like "John's got this really cool new plane down at the shop, it's a (insert favorite model aircraft here) and it has a (insert favorite optional and really cool model aircraft feature here)", they wouldn't be hearing "I have at least 2 square inches left in my house that aren't quite stuffed with worthless shit just yet, I want another Marvin the Martian figurine".
I really don't mean to be rude, and yeah the thought is nice, but I have a firm policy when it comes to gift giving. If I don't know someone well enough to know what they're into and what they might like, I don't know them well enough to be obligated to buy them a gift for any occasion whatsoever. The reciprocal is true as well, if you don't know me, if you don't know what I'm into, please, PLEase, PUHLEASE don't waste your money buying me a gift, really, just show up, it's enough, I'll genuinely be glad to see you if you promise not to get me some worthless afterthought that I'll now feel obligated to keep into perpetuity. You retire 3 dollars and 49 cents richer, and I don't have to feel like an asshole when I open the box and give you that "Who the fuck did you buy this for because it sure as hell wasn't for me?" look.
Too expensive? Not really. Yeah new planes are expensive, ATVs are definitely expensive, guns aren't too cheap either, but there's a lot of little doodads that aren't expensive at all by themselves but really start to add up when one adds them to the total cost of a new project.
Servos - $10.00 - $25.00 a piece depending on what size they are. A typical plane needs 3 or 4, and they come in all kinds of different sizes but I'm constantly experimenting, so I can never have too many spares on hand.
Glue - $2.00 - $5.00 a bottle, not much at all. There's a million different kinds of glue, pick one.
Trim Sheet - Basically colored, self adhesive vinyl like what's used for making signs and graphics on cars, trucks, vans, billboards ect. Which also works really good for decorating model airplanes.-$5.00 a sheet. Once again, can never have too much on hand, and color isn't all that important.
X-acto blades - a buck or two a pack. Doesn't matter what size or shape, I'll find a use for them.
Dean's Connectors - Little gold plated solder on type electrical plugs used for wiring batteries, motors, ect. when a reliable high current connection is needed. $5.00 a pack. Don't know what I'm talking about? John and Clay do, why not ask them?
Tools - The sky's the limit here, really. Name a tool, chances are I either have it or want it. If you don't know me good enough to know which one's I likely already have, you probably shouldn't feel obligated to buy me anything. Save your money, it's OK, really, I won't hate you, I won't be offended. I don't expect anything from anybody. That crap that your mom taught you about always bringing a gift, forget that shit, I did.
Ammo - Oh yeah, I already have most of the guns that I want, but what good are they without ammo? As with the tools, if you don't know me well enough to know what kind of ammo I might need, don't bother buying me anything. Honestly, I really won't be offended.
Great rule of thumb:
If it's useful, if it does something, if it's something that I can do something with, if it's something that I'd buy myself, if it's a T-shirt that offends you, if it's something that I could and would eat (hey Tony, planning on bringing any tuna back with you?), if it's a gift certificate for a store where I'd go to buy something myself, if it's a book about something that I'm actually interested in, if it burns gasoline, if you made it yourself (I LOVE handmade stuff, I'd rather have just about anything handmade by anyone than anything made in China no matter what it cost. We have the coolest coffee table in the world, and it barely cost anything except the time it took for two of our very good friends to make it. It's beautiful, built to last, it came from the heart, and it's one of my family's most cherished posessions.) - GO.
Thank you to all of the people over the years that didn't need to read the go list in order to "get it". I'd thank you personally but I don't want to offend anyone that doesn't "get it" any worse than I already have.
If it's useless, if it just sits on a shelf, if it has anything to do with knitting or needlepoint, if it's a T-shirt that doesn't offend you, if it's "cute", if it eats, if it doesn't fly, if it doesn't have an engine, if it doesn't take either batteries or gasoline or both, if it can't be used to build something else, if it requires a large amount of maintenance, if it needs watered, if it can't be used to kill something that I can then go on to eat - NO GO.
If you've gotten me something from the no go list, thank you for the thought, but next time just give me the cash instead of wasting it, or like I said before, just don't get me anything. Don't be pissy, don't be offended, just don't waste your money. You obviously don't "get it".
It's really that simple.
Oh yeah, one of the people that actually knows and loves me: My dear sweet blushing bride. Have I mentioned that this chick friggin' rocks?
The gift that she got me for my birthday Tuesday:
This post is dedicated to all of the guys who got new socks from their wives for their birthdays. NANNY NANNY BOO BOO, sucks to be you!
OK, I'm done venting to the blogosphere now.
OK, I'm done venting to the blogosphere now.