Thursday, September 14, 2006

Now I Know Who REALLY Loves Me

Ok, actually I already did know who really loves me, but she just had to prove it yet again.

Remember this post? The one where I just blindly tossed this out there hoping that perhaps, just maybe, possibly, there was a snowball's chance in hell that someone, like a friend or family member planning on getting me a gift some time in the next, oh, 50 years or so might possibly see it and think "oh yeah, he's into things like hunting, and ATVs, and motorcycles, and the outdoors, and OH YEAH, MODEL AIRPLANES!"

Instead of "Wow, look at this useless piece of worthless garbage, it totally looks like ass and isn't good for a damn thing, but I'll bet Justin would really like it because Lord knows his house isn't nearly cluttered enough as it is, he needs more worthless shit that he couldn't give a rat's ass about!" like they usually do.

I swear, if I get one more fucking thing shaped like Marvin the Martian I'm going absolutely, certifiably goddamn postal on whoever hands it to me with that "you should be eternally grateful" look on their face.

I'm serious.

If you think I can't figure out how to convert an assault rifle to full automatic you're sadly fucking mistaken. I have access to 100 round AK47 magazines.

Postal.

Yes, I did like Marvin the Martian cartoons when I was a kid. Yes, I still get a kick out of watching the sawed off little genocidal maniac's antics from time to time even to this day. No, I don't want or need a collection of 7985 Marvin the Martian figurines and other various Marvin the Martian themed collectibles.

News flash people:
I LIVE IN A TRAILER HOUSE, AS IN NOT A LOT OF STORAGE SPACE. IT PISSES ME OFF WHEN I HAVE TO HAUL A PICKUP LOAD OF SHIT THAT I NEVER WANTED TO THE DUMP TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE ONE GODDAMN THING THAT I DID WANT ALL ALONG. WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN A LOT EASIER FOR EVERYONE IF YOU'D JUST GOTTEN ME SOMETHING I ACTUALLY WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE? THAT WAY YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO STAND THERE LOOKING ALL REJECTED WHEN YOU ASK ME WHAT I DID WITH THE RIDICULOUS VELVET MARVIN THE MARTIAN POSTER YOU BOUGHT ME AND I TELL YOU THAT I USED IT TO LINE THE BED OF MY TRUCK BEFORE I LOADED IT WITH THE REST OF THE WORTHLESS SHIT YOU GAVE ME THE LAST TIME I WENT TO THE COUNTY DUMP.

I know, I know, manners and all that. I've just never been too good at acting excited when somebody gives me something that only a complete idiot that just landed on this planet from Jupiter could possibly think that I wanted. These people are supposed to be my family, don't they know me? Why the hell do I even talk to these people? They obviously just ignore me anyway, otherwise when I was saying something like "John's got this really cool new plane down at the shop, it's a (insert favorite model aircraft here) and it has a (insert favorite optional and really cool model aircraft feature here)", they wouldn't be hearing "I have at least 2 square inches left in my house that aren't quite stuffed with worthless shit just yet, I want another Marvin the Martian figurine".

I really don't mean to be rude, and yeah the thought is nice, but I have a firm policy when it comes to gift giving. If I don't know someone well enough to know what they're into and what they might like, I don't know them well enough to be obligated to buy them a gift for any occasion whatsoever. The reciprocal is true as well, if you don't know me, if you don't know what I'm into, please, PLEase, PUHLEASE don't waste your money buying me a gift, really, just show up, it's enough, I'll genuinely be glad to see you if you promise not to get me some worthless afterthought that I'll now feel obligated to keep into perpetuity. You retire 3 dollars and 49 cents richer, and I don't have to feel like an asshole when I open the box and give you that "Who the fuck did you buy this for because it sure as hell wasn't for me?" look.

Too expensive? Not really. Yeah new planes are expensive, ATVs are definitely expensive, guns aren't too cheap either, but there's a lot of little doodads that aren't expensive at all by themselves but really start to add up when one adds them to the total cost of a new project.

Servos - $10.00 - $25.00 a piece depending on what size they are. A typical plane needs 3 or 4, and they come in all kinds of different sizes but I'm constantly experimenting, so I can never have too many spares on hand.

Glue - $2.00 - $5.00 a bottle, not much at all. There's a million different kinds of glue, pick one.

Trim Sheet - Basically colored, self adhesive vinyl like what's used for making signs and graphics on cars, trucks, vans, billboards ect. Which also works really good for decorating model airplanes.-$5.00 a sheet. Once again, can never have too much on hand, and color isn't all that important.

X-acto blades - a buck or two a pack. Doesn't matter what size or shape, I'll find a use for them.

Dean's Connectors - Little gold plated solder on type electrical plugs used for wiring batteries, motors, ect. when a reliable high current connection is needed. $5.00 a pack. Don't know what I'm talking about? John and Clay do, why not ask them?

Tools - The sky's the limit here, really. Name a tool, chances are I either have it or want it. If you don't know me good enough to know which one's I likely already have, you probably shouldn't feel obligated to buy me anything. Save your money, it's OK, really, I won't hate you, I won't be offended. I don't expect anything from anybody. That crap that your mom taught you about always bringing a gift, forget that shit, I did.

Ammo - Oh yeah, I already have most of the guns that I want, but what good are they without ammo? As with the tools, if you don't know me well enough to know what kind of ammo I might need, don't bother buying me anything. Honestly, I really won't be offended.

Great rule of thumb:

If it's useful, if it does something, if it's something that I can do something with, if it's something that I'd buy myself, if it's a T-shirt that offends you, if it's something that I could and would eat (hey Tony, planning on bringing any tuna back with you?), if it's a gift certificate for a store where I'd go to buy something myself, if it's a book about something that I'm actually interested in, if it burns gasoline, if you made it yourself (I LOVE handmade stuff, I'd rather have just about anything handmade by anyone than anything made in China no matter what it cost. We have the coolest coffee table in the world, and it barely cost anything except the time it took for two of our very good friends to make it. It's beautiful, built to last, it came from the heart, and it's one of my family's most cherished posessions.) - GO.

Thank you to all of the people over the years that didn't need to read the go list in order to "get it". I'd thank you personally but I don't want to offend anyone that doesn't "get it" any worse than I already have.



If it's useless, if it just sits on a shelf, if it has anything to do with knitting or needlepoint, if it's a T-shirt that doesn't offend you, if it's "cute", if it eats, if it doesn't fly, if it doesn't have an engine, if it doesn't take either batteries or gasoline or both, if it can't be used to build something else, if it requires a large amount of maintenance, if it needs watered, if it can't be used to kill something that I can then go on to eat - NO GO.

If you've gotten me something from the no go list, thank you for the thought, but next time just give me the cash instead of wasting it, or like I said before, just don't get me anything. Don't be pissy, don't be offended, just don't waste your money. You obviously don't "get it".

It's really that simple.

Oh yeah, one of the people that actually knows and loves me: My dear sweet blushing bride. Have I mentioned that this chick friggin' rocks?

The gift that she got me for my birthday Tuesday:


I'm about halfway done building it.

I've still got to finish gluing the tail, hinge the control surfaces, and install the radio gear.

I DO NOT need a Marvin the Martian figurine to put in the cockpit, but I do still need servos!


This post is dedicated to all of the guys who got new socks from their wives for their birthdays. NANNY NANNY BOO BOO, sucks to be you!

OK, I'm done venting to the blogosphere now.


9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Justin,
You crack me the hell up!!!! I don't get to look on the net that often because I am workin' my ass off day and night. Thanks for the laugh!!!
Ralpho

Cricket said...

I too have seen the beauty in a well placed and perfectly timed gift certificate, bottle of C.A., epoxy, a random part here or there, and most importantly the TOOLS!! Believe it or not there are some of us chicks out there that LOVE TO GET TOOLS! (not that kind sick O's ;0)) Happy Belated Birthday!! Glad to hear that there's another woman out there who will give the man she loves the "toys" HE loves rather than something silly he might need!!

Take care,
Cricket

Sister D said...

what family member got you another Marvin??? I did notice one in your truck when you stopped by Thursday, and was suprised that you still played with stuffed marvins, but I didn't say anything now i'm glad i didn't.

Ken Hayes said...

Would you run that by me one more time?

T said...

snicker snicker....

Justin said...

Laughs are provided absolutely free here Ralpho. Wanna buy a Marvin the Martian figurine collection?

See Cricket, that's why Mark brags about you nonstop every time I talk to him, you "get it". As far as stuff we "need", we'll buy that crap ourselves. It's like when I was a kid and grandma gave me clothes for Christmas, if you were like me you just gave a hmmmph, and tossed it over your shoulder and dug back in the pile for a box that looked like it had a toy in it. Need schmeed, bring on the toys baby!

Hi sis, the Marvin in my truck has been hanging there since, oh, about the day after I bought the truck and someone we both know and love very much showed up at my house with it thinking that I for some reason needed a stuffed Marvin the Martian keychain. Dad was with her and he handed me a set of "Give Me Space" Marvin the Martian mudflaps, hey at least they're useful. Mom's cool, I love her, but luckily for my sanity I learned years ago to deal with the fact that she has this little image of me made up in her head, and it's not even a reasonable facsimile of who I really am. I keep hoping that one of these days she'll take five minutes and get to know who I actually am instead of who I am in her little fantasy world, but it hasn't happened yet. Truthfully, I don't think she WANTS to know, LOL. Maybe there's still hope for her, after all she hasn't gotten me any Marvin the Martian stuff in the last few months at least. ;)

Ken, why don't you just read the post again? My fingers are too tired to type it all over. ;)

See Tony, you're living proof of how easy it really is. I think I'd talked to you online maybe a half dozen times or so, I'd met you in person twice, we'd had the grand total of one real life face to face conversation, and you handed me the coolest Christmas present you could have possibly given me. Except possibly if you'd given me your bus, that might have been cooler, but I don't know. After all, that tuna kicked ass and I learned a lot from the book you gave me, but think of all of the airplanes that I could haul back and forth to the park in a bus . . . . ;)

T said...

I sold the red one my neighbor in Billings, I have a 1979 Baja Bus now, lifted two inches, duals, 225/15's, bad ass....lol, the roof pops up for a small landing strip....
Have a great day, T

oh, tuna, shoot your address to me at rocklobster@charter.net, Merry friggin Christmas!

Justin said...

T, you've got mail.

Tatoshka said...

Dude, Probably the most honest, true to the heart post ive read from a blog lately.

Found you Via Karbonkountymoose. Ill be back to read more.

ahahahaha.. "roflmao"