Wednesday, December 06, 2006

If They Keep This Up, You Won't Have To Get A Chick Drunk To Get Laid Anymore

Has everyone heard about this new "Hug Me" shirt? No, it's not a summer version of the straightjacket, but a shirt embedded with all sorts of sensors, and actuators, and gizmos and gadgets that can actually simulate a hug from another human being. The shirt uses Bluetooth technology, and therefore can be activated via cell phone from anywhere in the world.

So what this means is, that I could give one of these to my ol' lady, call some magic number from my cell phone in the middle of the night, and give her a virtual "hug" from the comfort of my rattly old truck cab. Yippee, sounds great. What will they think of next?

This is assuming of course that:

A - My cellphone had signal long enough to actually complete the call, which is seldom/never.

B - She happened to be wearing it when I called.

C - She was awake and had consumed an adequate quantity of coffee when I activated it, thus preventing me from having the inside of my colon hugged at her every whim forthwith from the moment I returned home and she shoved it up my ass.

With my luck the damn thing would be laying in the laundry pile, the cat would be sleeping on top of it, and fire a cat shaped hole through the fucking roof when it was unexpectedly "hugged" from beneath. No thanks, I think I'll just stick to real hugs for the time being.

What I'm thinking though, is if they can make a hug me shirt, what comes next? Could I get slap me gloves for my kids? Kick me boots for the cat perhaps? This technology could give the term "fuck me pants" a whole new meaning! This is exciting technology, I'm off to contemplate the possibilities.


Anonymous said...

I don't know where the hell you come up with this stuff but I love it. Hope we get warm weather and still outside so we can go to the park and get some stick time this weekend!

Justin said...

Actually I don't come up with this stuff, Ralpho. I just plaigerize it from the pint sized trolls that I have chained to the cinder blocks under my trailer house. Don't tell anybody though, it's our little secret K?

You and me both on the stick time. I've got this new Evo that I'm just dieing to test fly. I mounted all of the electronics yesterday, all I have left is to set the control throws and she's ready to turn and burn baby!

a-fire-fly said...

Love the title to that post!
The rest was pretty funny too.

Justin said...

Well firefly, you know I aim to please! ;)

a-fire-fly said...

So I have heard.