Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Is Anyone Taking Applications? I'd Like To Be An Economist.

Catch the President's speech tonight?

Yeah, basically the president said what I've already been saying for years. The banks loaned a shitload of money to people that had no possible freaking way of paying it back, now it came around to bite them in the ass. Only trouble is, when banks get bit in the ass all at once, they drag the rest of us down with them.

I've been laughing for years at all of my friends that found it perfectly acceptable to spend 150 grand on a pile of sticks and eat macaroni and cheese for 30 fucking years so they could make their $1000 a month or better house payments, all the while thinking that it was perfectly normal and sane to do so and that they were making a wise investment. Idiots. The only reason there was a housing boom in the first place is because there were no shortage of mortgage lenders willing to loan astronomical amounts of money to people that had no business buying a house at all, let alone a house that cost 100K+. When the "value" of something is artificially inflated that's called a bubble. Bubbles tend to pop. Oops.

I've said all along that all it would take was a minor economic downturn to make these morons unable to pay their mortgages, causing a rash of foreclosures that would crash the lenders and drag the entire economy down with it.

How did I know this?

Am I a college educated economist?

Am I a corporate lackey warmonger douchebag that calls myself the president of the United States?

Fuck no, I'm a guy that's been in debt up to his ass before and realized just how small of an upset it takes to throw a person into total financial ruin when they cut things too close every month. When I was in that situation, I looked around me and almost everyone I knew would've killed to have the tiny little pittance of debt that I was wrangling with, they were in far far deeper than I was. Multiply that by a significant percentage of the population of the entire country, and the whole situation was a big fat ticking time bomb. Well news flash morons, the little red flag just popped out of the top of the box, and there's a word printed on it.

Looks like it's . . . . .


Now hang onto your ass cuz it's gonna be one hell of a ride . . . . downhill all the way.

Lose money on your house?

Cry me a fucking river.

That tends to happen when you pay 5 times what something's worth dumbass. I don't feel sorry for you. I'm not losing any money on my house, because when you take into consideration what it cost me, it pays for itself every day. What I mean is, that the value of my house can stand on its own merits, it's not dependent on the up and down swings of any market per se. My house is worth every penny that I paid for it for the simple fact that it keeps my fat ass dry, gives me a place to sleep, gives me a place to store my shit, a place to take a shower, and a place to take a dump with the modern convenience of a flushable turd mill. The payment I make every month comes out to about a third or less of what it would cost me to rent something similar, so the way I look at it, even if the fucker burned down the day after it was payed for it still wouldn't owe me a dime. Sure it may not impress anyone but ask me if I care. It impresses me, my family's fine with it, and that's good enough in my little world. If I wanted to spend 150 grand just to impress someone, I'd buy a fucking Ferari. I couldn't afford it either but at least I'd still have a place to live when it got repopped. I'd have a damn sight more fun with it than you do primping your yard and planting begonias too.

I've lived in a car before dude and let me tell you, it sucks. I however had the luxury of being able to go back home to my parents' house when I'd had enough of it. Where are you gonna go when your house ain't yours any more? Taking into consideration that you probably owe twice what your car's worth if you're like most people, that'll probably be leaving via the repo man's tow truck too. Sucks to be you man. After you've had a few months to get your head out of the clouds and come back to reality though, I'll still be here in my low dollar trailer house NOT eating macaroni and cheese because I wasn't dim enough to betrothe my entire prospective income to a mortgage lender. If you can dig deep enough to find the humility necessary to drop down to my level, stop on by. I'll be glad to share what I've got, and after 30 years of macaroni and cheese, that steak and shrimp off of my barbecue will look mighty tasty.

Lose your ass in the stock market?

Sucks to be you.

It never ceases to amaze me that our good right wing gawd fearing friends will not hesitate to denounce the evils of gambling . . . . . . and then call their stock broker to make a trade. Whether you stuff your money in a Keno machine or the stock market, it's all the same. You're hoping to get something for nothing, take a risk and possibly get a return, it's all gambling and when you gamble, you usually lose. Gambling is always loaded toward the house, and if you think the stock market is any different than the sleaziest casino in Vegas, I've got some mighty freaky news for you my friends. The house will always make money, you however are not so situated. You wouldn't take your entire retirement savings to Lucky Lil's and plug it a Player's Choice would you? And if you did, would you be crying to the government to bail you out when you lost your ass? Would you expect them to actually do so? If you did, you'd fit into a special class of people. I call these people morons. Welcome to the club, would you like a Player's Rewards card?

At least at the casino you'd get a "free" beer or two for your sizeable donation and maybe some peanuts or something. In the stock market, you don't. You don't even get to hear all about the 70 year old chain smoker lady at the machine next to you and her agonizing battle with terminal hemorhoids. Or how her skanky crackhead granddaughter got busted for selling her ass to buy meth but got off with a warning because she blew 4 cops and a judge. Believe me, I've been there, I've seen it, and her skanky granddaughter is actually kinda hot if you can believe that. Better hurry up and hit it before her teeth fall out. Maybe if you're lucky your wife will catch you and divorce your ass. That way she can take your worthless fucking house before it gets repo'd.

All of this is so much more fun as a spectator sport. Peace all.